Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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