don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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