you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
