When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
