if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize