Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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