just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
