lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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