Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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