Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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