I wish my penis had an off switch
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
