what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
