Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
