I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
