Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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