I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
