In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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