I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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