I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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