Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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