how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
