i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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