I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
