omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
