two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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