i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
