Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
