It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
