my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
