so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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