Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
