you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
