Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
