So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
