who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
