I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
handjob tips. give me some.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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