Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
