Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
