Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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