I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
