I think my fart just growled at me.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
