His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
