I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
