i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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