How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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