I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
