I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
