Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize