that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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