You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
