I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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