just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Randomize
