i need an iv and a liver transplant
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
