They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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