Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
