youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
