I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
