You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
