You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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