you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
