Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
