Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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