I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
