im six kinds of drunk right now
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
