I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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