Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
