the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
